From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
