And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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