I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I need water and some morals
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
