Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
