I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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