The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
