I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The struggles of a small town man whore
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
