I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
