what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
