you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
