I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
