im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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