All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
