if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
