So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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