I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
