Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
