Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize