If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
