I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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