I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
