Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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