I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
