Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
