one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize