my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
