i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
