YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
