Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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