Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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