Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
