but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
