Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
