you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
