He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
