So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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