How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
FUCK WHALES
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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