a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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