it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
