my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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