I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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