in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
