I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
