The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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