I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
