Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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