So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
