and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
