If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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