I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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