The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
