I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
