Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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