I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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