I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
