I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
