You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
