Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
being pregnant is like rehab
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
