i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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