Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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