four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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