I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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