apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
