Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
