in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
