I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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