I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
