you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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