Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
