You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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