Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
MIDGETS
????
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
