Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
